Xero's other waste of space

November 29, 2010

I am who I am who I am not

Filed under: General — Xero @ 3:35 pm

Well it’s been an interesting couple of months/weeks/whatever and I’m starting to take issue with some of the missing pieces in my social consciousness and begin to develop them for better or worse. However long and painful this process may be, as usual I already have all the “don’t’s” filled out and the “do’s” empty.

Don’t wait, don’t procrastinate, the time is now! YOU HAVE THE POWER. OMFG.


Yes, my feeble path of existence has taken yet another turn and who knows what will happen now. Will I bust through this wall of doubt in time? Oh, so I fucked up some along the way, but you know what, you start to realize everyone else is fucking up just as much, and sometimes even more so than yourself. And once that realization has come you can finally be freed from the mindfuck.

So I’ve been given numerous pieces of advice.

don’t hesitate, be more aggressive, don’t think about it just do…etc…sounds all so generic. After all, we’re just playing by social expectations here. Male’s are supposed to be domineering or aggressive or whatever, but at the same time i’ve never fit into any social standards. Am I perpetually screwed, or bound to find someone like me? The problem is, many people who share similar perspectives are in far worse situations and I suppose this can be taken too far…

What people say and what people want are often two different things. Some people are users and want abusers, but pretend like they want gentle and kind. Others say they are shy but really just expect you to do everything for them. People are fucked in the head in all kinds of ways and at this point I have trouble comprehending it all. Especially the twisted psycho crap I’ve been dealing with recently, I feel like I’m too old to be playing these kind of games with people. I can’t deal with people stuck in their past, at the same time I wonder how much I might still be stuck in mine…

why the fuck doesn’t this shit just fall together either? is it really just a confidence game? is this like some kind of bullshit job interview? Maybe the general public is just too screwed up to be able to pull off any sort of coherent conversation so it’s all just filled with fluffy lies and comforting story tales. Or maybe it’s just the people I meet…

I hate stupid white lies. I don’t care what you think. Don’t lie to me to make me feel better. I will hate you forever. I am not a woman asking if I’m fat. I expect real answers from real people. If you aren’t a real person, then you are a superficial piece of crap and are basically dead to me. I am tired of this.

I’m starting to be like, what the fuck at this point. You know, there’s a lot of bullshit out there and the filter is being upgraded.

1. I’m tired of people who don’t have their shit together financially and complain about it.
2. I’m materialistic as fuck. That’s right, deal with it. I like things. It’s part of animal nature to claim one’s territory. I’m claiming mine now. I’m tired of people acting like this is some sort of bad thing. Fuck you hippies.
3. I selectively care about things. That’s right, I don’t care about EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. Chances are, my priorities take precedence over others, if I can’t take care of myself, who will?

If you disagree with me on any of the above things, and then proceed to complain about your problems in life to me, I have the right to tell you to go fuck yourself and/or blow me, as that is the proper payment for being the manwhore you take me for.

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