Xero's other waste of space

August 2, 2002

holy shit people piss me off

Filed under: General — Xero @ 6:33 pm

I’ve recently encountered large amounts of obvious bullshit from certain individuals. This bullshit, with apparently no reason other then to raise their self image and imaginary sense of higher intelligence. Now, you ask, why the hell would someone do this? Well, I honestly can’t answer that one but trust me the answer is probably so stupid that you wouldn’t want to know it anyway.

It’s funny how double sided some people are, one minute you can be having a normal conversation but as soon as it comes to something that requires knowledge they automatically know all as if there’s a machine reading them my deepest and darkest secrets. Actually I don’t really have any secrets with anyone probably because anything I want secret would no longer be secret once I’ve told someone, unless of course your supposed to believe that the the other person won’t tell anyone. In which case your secret is now theirs, more then yours, because they sort of “take” your secret, because now it’s not only in your control, but theirs too. I went a little off topic there, because they weren’t actually reading my secrets or anything, but they act as if they could. As if they have some magical power that other humans don’t. I’m so tired of people thinking they’re better then everyone and I notice it so much.

How much you know, your grades in school, your appearance, your behaviors, your race, and your religious beliefs, have nothing to do with being “better” then other people. In fact, one day I was thinking about how humans are all kind of mutated in one way or another, that humans are all sort of “impure” but then I laughed at the thought, because I know that no ones perfect, and it would be impossible to define this “perfect” anyway. Let me emphasize a bit on what I meant by impure, because you’d think I’d have meant something to do with religion or race or something, but it was nothing of the sort.

I was actually thinking about genetic makeup more then anything. It came to me after I witnessed a conversation about appearance and looks, and how no one is perfectly symmetric. Then it came to me, no ones perfectly free of problems. I once said, if someone had no mental problems what so ever, they had everything they wanted, were happy, and stayed that way, they’d probably get cancer the next day and die. A perfect human will never exist as long as the world as we know it exists. I think trying to be perfect in this world is just trying to win over the opinions of people. And there’s an easy way to do that. Lie, and become a fake.

Maybe thats the real problem here? People who are fake. Not in the aspect of not being there, but in the aspect that they aren’t themselves. People who act a certain way to further enhance how their intelligence appears but by doing it, are just lowering it by enhancing their intelligent with a lie. Is there a word for this? There should be. People who are selfish care only about themselves, people who are selfless care not about themselves but about other people. If you can’t first care about yourself then what point does caring for other people have? Especially since you can’t honestly hold the same opinion that everyone else has, without having your own, as their opinion would become your own. And if you’re letting other people make opinions for you, then you truly are selfless.

This just brings up another question, why would you want people to agree with you? Well, not everyone will agree with you but I seem to search for that in my friends. Funny, because almost all of them are fakes.


  1. true.

    Comment by mdmchld — August 2, 2002 @ 8:09 pm

  2. hi xero

    well i just wanted to comment on the “double sided” thing…people are not just double sided but hugely multifaceted. like, you can be feeling more than one thing at once right? this makes us human, there’s nothing wrong with that (in my opinion).

    people are flawed…i empathize with your frustration, however, because i too have to deal with people every day who are as flawed as i. i found the only way to not be frustrated with the bullshit of others is to concentrate on our own bullshit.

    i hope you dont resent MY bullshit…it’s ok if you do though. i was just interested in your post.

    Comment by anonymous — August 2, 2002 @ 11:24 pm

  3. I can be thinking more then one thing at once, but when it comes to feeling, I never really feel happy or sad..I always feel like some inbetween feeling…like nothing, it’s very hard to explain…and sometimes slightly euphoric and light feeling, its weird, I felt it when I wrote this…I don’t know if that’s normal or maybe I’m fucked up, I don’t know. About being human, I usually say I dislike humans, I’m not sure if I mean it or not but sometimes I really feel I do. I suppose I should concentrate on my own bullshit, as I never get shit done that I’d like to. this is probably my biggest problem, but if I could overcome it that easily, I would. I suppose if I tried to do the things I’m supposed to it would be a step in the right direction, but I usually get distracted. I’m thinking about seeing a shrink, but I dont know if it will help. oh well. I don’t resent you, I’m actually surprised someone I don’t know is reading this, or maybe I do? I don’t know who you are, as you posted anonymously or if you’ll read this, but I appreciate your response.

    Comment by lx_xero — August 2, 2002 @ 11:53 pm

  4. speaking from personal experience with shrinks, you dont need one, but of course they can be useful. just talking to people usually has some way of sorting things out…maybe if you do not enjoy people, you could look closer. or should i say feel closer? perhaps the thing you dont like about them is things you dont like about yourself? just how it is with me…i hate people, but i also love them, but that’s usually how things are, i hate as much as i love, i enjoy as much as i dislike. well i could go on for hours about these types o things…
    my boyfriend ‘plex’ showed me your journals thinking i might be interested in your thoughts…i dont mean to be a stalker freak or anything…:

    Comment by anonymous — August 5, 2002 @ 12:47 am

  5. well, I don’t really know if I don’t like myself or not…as for my experience with shrinks, it hasn’t been very well either. when I was younger my parents made me go to one, but the thing is, i didn’t think i had a problem. I didn’t want help. I thought everything was fine and what not. It’s different now because I don’t like the way things are but I have no path to take…no solution laid out..i just sit here and stay on the computer every single day of my life. repetetive, and painless physically, but it’s a mental trap. And no trust me, you don’t come off as a stalker, I’ve known a few real obsessive people who’d do that kind of thing and they were out for their own benefit, not to help others. They’d never help, just try to make it seem like they were only use any information they get out of you against you. It’s probably those past friendships that have led me to hate humans as much as I now do. As for hating the things I myself am…probably true, but that just confuses me about what I really hate. Hating humans is not very specific. I suppose I do have to look closer…but how? I feel lost. Maybe I’m the one with trust issues? am I obsessive? I’m paranoid but I’ve learned to overcome it most of the time because I realize that the fear is not valid. Few of my past friendships also involved paranoid people…weird how it all sort of worked out that way…but the other persons paranoia is what ended them, not mine. I search for the answer to my problem but I always end up diagnosing myself with every disorder I come across. paranoid personality disorder? histrionic? narcissistic? can I have them all? I doubt it, then what is it? I wish I knew, that’s my main reason for wanting to see a shrink, I hope to figure out what is really wrong. It’s probably the answer I don’t want to hear, but I’m not even sure what I really want to hear, so I sit here confused. I still to this day, don’t really understand what emotion or feeling is…everytime I tell people that they don’t believe me. i’m not sure why. I can say I feel this way about something, or feel that something is stupid. Is this feeling? I thought feeling had to do with being happy or sad? I’m not either. I am pretty sure i have anxiety of some sort..and i get panic attacks when i’m under any stress what so ever..which is probably what prevents me from doing anything..it’s like a circle and i’m stuck running around in it. i hate it.

    Comment by lx_xero — August 5, 2002 @ 1:15 am

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