Xero's other waste of space

December 3, 2002

presents for peasents

Filed under: General — Xero @ 2:09 pm

So, I saw the new bond movie. It was a bit overdone and recycled but I didn’t think it was too bad. The invisible car was just silly, they said it was based off LEP (light emitting polymers) and cameras. It’s sort of possible but first LEP is not completed yet, and then the fact that it wouldn’t work even close to as good as they made it in the movie, which was obviously done with special effects.

The bad guy has a giant laser in space, a total ripoff of Goldeneye, which I’d consider a better bond movie than Die Another Day, but oh well. Afterwards we went out to dinner and it was good. We get home and it happens to be present time. I get a cd, infact it’s my mom’s favorite band. No big deal right? I listen to it and it’s actually pretty good, but before I listened, something happened. I broke down. I don’t know why, but it happened once before. I felt as if I wasn’t going to listen to it or as if it was going to go to waste.

This happened once before…I got that Mach 3 Turbo razor and I had a Mach 3 already, not realizing that the turbo is the same damn thing with a new blade. I should have just got the blades but I didn’t know it wasn’t any different. I felt terrible that whole day over it and it didn’t even matter. I needed new blades anyway, so what I wasted like 3 dollars. It’s not that the money wasted mattered to me that didn’t even occur. I just couldn’t get over it. I ended up talking to my mom about it asking her which one she liked better and in the end I just forgot about it, it didn’t matter.

Anyway after I broke down I asked my mom if she wanted the cd, this was before even really listening to it, I told her I was going to rip it so it didn’t matter but I think I just wanted to get rid of it, I don’t know why to perhaps avoid me feeling so bad over it. Anyway she wanted me to rip it first (she didn’t entirely understand what I meant so I just basically said to copy it, which is pretty much what it is.) So I ripped it and in fact I’m listening to it now. CDs are a pain anyhow, my cd player is all full so it’s easier to just have the MP3s anyhow.

So I’m pretty much over it now but that doesn’t mean what happened didn’t happen so I’m trying to figure out why that happened. I’m thinking maybe I felt it was going to waste, or something? I don’t know but I hadn’t felt that way since I used to hoard things when I was much younger… Odd how now I’m feeling the same thing about the exact opposite.

I just ask for money on the holidays it’s much easier but my mom insists on buying me “stocking stuffers” (we have these stupid stockings in fact mine has a pikachu on it, ok kind of scary but I was like 12 when it was made.) So we have these stocking things (which is a christian thing anyway and my family is jewish) and that’s where all the presents are. It’s funny how my family not just my close family but my aunts and such too turn hanukkah essentially into a christmas with 8 candles. My aunt even has a hanukkah tree. What a joke.

I hate traditions and this seems to just continue that hatred. Some other bad traditions are: diamonds, holidays (all, including new years), marriage, religion, capitalism, and reproduction. There for it’s time for you all to simultaneously commit suicide. Or not. Let me continue on some of these traditions.

Diamonds. Women love them, but when you tell them that 12 starving africans had to suffer just to dig them out of a mine, what do women think about that? Most think it’s terrible, but that doesn’t stop them from wanting this “precious” gem. It’s only precious because it takes an arm and a leg to get them. Why do people even wear jewelry? Oh fashion! Oh yes what a necessary practice.

I never cared about my appearance much. I still don’t. It doesn’t matter. You watch TV and movies and you see these fake women. They give people false expectations of what to expect in non-anorexic-model men/women. So then what? People try like hell to imitate these models. Why? Oh well, I guess that’s their problem right? It’s funny how one’s problem can be because of society itself giving people bad ideas.

Me? My problem is exactly the opposite. I don’t accept society at all. Why should I anyhow? I’ve seen both sides and I get screwed either way. It’s bullshit. Maybe the world doesn’t have place for people like me. Or maybe I don’t want it to. Nah… That’s not it. If it was I’d not try to change it, but I do.

If anyone thinks I want the world the way it is then they’re very wrong. I don’t want the world to be this way. I don’t want people being manipulated by TV. I don’t want people having false hopes. I don’t want to see the world the way it is but I have to, and since I do, I cannot live in it the way most people do and feel comfortable.

Some people may think I like helping people, because I help people solve their problems. The uneducated would think it’s because I like to help people, but that’s not it. I could care less about helping people. When somethings broken I like to mess with it until it’s fixed. That’s what I like to do. That’s what I will do. Even if I don’t succeed at least I tried.

And of course someone disagrees with me. A demon in a mask, I once thought. Try to control me? You’re dealing with a rabid raccoon. You’ll be the one being controlled in the end, but not by me, by trying to control me.

I’m concluding this now. I’ve written more then I thought I would be able to but it sure as hell feels good. Take that, rabid one.

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