Xero's other waste of space

December 17, 2002


Filed under: General — Xero @ 10:12 pm

Boredom is something that I don’t like. Recently well actually for the past few weeks or so, I’ve been watching TV when I’m bored, and though the discovery channel and all the channels they own (animal planet, science channel, TLC) are very interesting it gets boring although, right now I’m watching emergency vets. I like this show because it’s got animals and doctors but they’re not operating on people so it’s not as annoying to me. I was thinking “hmm maybe I should be a vet” then laughed at it. Me? Yeah 8 years of schooling! There goes that idea.

So recently I had the realization as someone called it. Realizing that one day I will need to work and have a job and what not. Then I started to think of how right now I’m heading in the exact opposite direction. So when the time comes I’m likely to end up either insane, living with my parents still, or turning everything around. I doubt I’d end up homeless. I don’t know what to do right now. I set goals but I do nothing to achieve them. So I suppose my continued existence does nothing to help the human race. Then again, maybe that’s what I wanted. How many people’s jobs actually help people?

With capitalism most peoples jobs are just to manipulate people to try and get them to buy things. I recently read this article by Ben Stein, the actor/lawyer/economist http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&cid=64&e=3&u=/fo/20021213/bs_fo/2002_12_how_to_ruin_american_enterprise and it pretty much summed up exactly how I feel about capitalism. And despite it, it doesn’t change anything, in fact it just gives me more of an excuse to sit here and complain about capitalism. Well is that really a bad thing? To abide by it, I give into the flaws. To not, it makes it harder for me. I always managed to do little work causing more pain but still getting by. Maybe I wanted the pain or maybe I never saw it the other way so I am just falling deeper and deeper into a trap. Maybe I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about again. Maybe it’s that capitalism doesn’t benefit people like me. Maybe capitalism benefits the selfless media drone that you’re average teenager is. If America keeps this up, expect it to be all downhill.

I’m not even sure why I’m writing in this anymore because recently I’ve had nothing to write about. I’m tired of feeling so trapped on this planet. I don’t want to do what I always do but I’m too lazy to do anything else. I write about the same thing in different perspectives. I think about the same thing in different perspectives. It’s amazing that I write here because when I went to school I used to hate writing things. I always have memories of school and I question how clear those memories are. Most aren’t good ones. My final days in school were covered in paranoia due to my own stupidity. That wasn’t a good year. I don’t suppose this year was much better. It’s amazing how time flies yet it’s so short at the same time. When I look back it was not that long ago but when I’m in the process of doing it it seems forever but that’s only when I’m doing things I don’t like, or when I’m bored which brings me back to what I started off with.

So recently when I’ve been bored I’ve been doing things that I don’t really want to do but they help time fly. That’s normal though. So what have I accomplished? Well maybe the understanding of that, but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s not going to mean that tomorrow all my problems will be solved so now what? I don’t know. I could do things I want to accomplish but I end up getting bored from those because they take a long time to accomplish so in the end I’m stuck in a loop. Instant gratification! Mental stimulation. I’m slowly dying and so are you. What’s to accomplish? Death. Oh wait I’m supposed to enjoy life before then. I guess I’m screwed. That’s giving up though. Why should that even matter? It’s nothing new.

I’m getting bored of being bored. I’ve been bored of that too.

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