Xero's other waste of space

May 10, 2003

abusive personalties

Filed under: General — Xero @ 7:30 pm

Whether you realize it or not, they do exist. Luckily I realized it. Perhaps a little too late but that is better then nothing. I must wonder why they seek me out still to this day. I’ve expressed no will to contact any of them.

Perhaps they liked me as a pawn in their game, perhaps they want me back in. Maybe they’re lonely because no one is willing to put up with their shit anymore. Hell, maybe they even miss me. I doubt any emptiness they feel from me not being there is valid. I know memory doesn’t work very well over periods of time, especially when it comes to remembering other people.

Sometimes chat logs are a curse and a blessing. I prefer to read them only when required. In the past, I had read chat logs of people and I communicating that I no longer talk to, and it only made things worse. You see such a limited amount of their personality. Sometimes you see only the parts you would consider good and start thinking, they weren’t so bad, maybe it was me the whole time?

It’s not me. I can verify this due to the fact I’ve given some people way too many chances. I soon realize after restarting my communication with these people that the personality I disliked is still there. There’s no reunions of ex-friends, I wonder why.

I won’t respond to their cries for attention. I still think about what I would say though. I then realize how it’s not even worth saying anything. It’d be like talking to a brick, perhaps it’s absorbing the sound waves, but it sure as hell isn’t going to do anything else. I’m not going to waste my time. These people used to rely on the fact that I’d take them back in the past, despite whether they changed or not.

That’s no more. I can see the difference. Just the first few words they say to start the conversation can sometimes show me whether someone changed. Joking or not. I’m tired of people hiding themselves on the internet just so they can get a false sense of superiority. I can’t believe I actually looked up to some of these people.

In reality nothing is truly superior. We’re just a bunch of chemical reactions that thrive for survival. Of course some want to think they’re superior, better survival or so it would seem. Too bad that most of the people I knew who thought they were superior were far from it. They act like they want to be successful but their personalties are so obviously in the way of it, and probably diluting the truthfulness of their wanting to be successful.

You can blame it all on me, but if I’m not even there, who are you to blame but yourself? Blaming it on me is less painful, though.

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