Xero's other waste of space

April 29, 2004

cheese and onions yet again

Filed under: General — Xero @ 1:42 am

The world is made of cheese and onions. Indeed.

Actually I’m just somewhat bored at the moment which is pretty uncommon these days. Not many people are online at the moment which is somewhat odd but I don’t really care that much, I have things I can do if I wish to waste time but right now I feel like writing.

I think that in the end some people will just not get along with me despite my trying. I can’t really blame myself for being me so I’ll just have to make some hard decisions. I think I should be able to tell when things are going no where.

Either way I’ll be alright – I got enough shit going on already, silly issues like this are nothing in comparison. I think what I need these days is just some positive thinking. No fear or paranoia, no guilt trips and false hope. Just pure neutralness with a sprinkle of optimism. That sounds good enough to eat.

In all reality I’m really just avoiding getting at something I wish I didn’t have to. That is, I don’t want to have to deal with other peoples problems. I try to help people but I just get taken for granted and accused of things which aren’t my true intentions. I’m not perfect – I’m not a psychologist or anything but I still try to understand. I can’t reason with peoples problems though, and I work mainly with reason. I end up making some people upset.

I’m tired of subliminal messages. I don’t like having to be so indirect about things but I’m tired of making people angry as well.

If other people have issues which prohibit them from being able to communicate with me properly then I really can’t be held responsible for that. I don’t have time for silly trust issues and information games. I thought this shit would be over by now but sometimes I think I might be too optimistic.

Sounds kind of funny coming from me – too optimistic. A friend of mine (you know who you are) is very pessimistic compared to me and although it’s sometimes less productive it also made them right about many things. Sometimes I try the impossible, they’d rather not try at all. I haven’t given up all hope in humanity yet, despite how it may seem.

I don’t really have a problem with most of my friends, in fact I get along with most people I talk to really well. There’s some people who I previously would have problems with that I am now fine with, and there’s some I never had problems with before and now do. And then there’s the people I had problems with before and still do.

That last group is the group of people I’ve given too many chances to. I don’t know why, perhaps it’s because they don’t have a problem with me all the time just sometimes, or because it seems they’re changing but in reality they’re not.

Mood swings. I don’t know but it seems maybe some people have pretty severe mood swings. How else is it possible for someone to go from normal discussion to severe anger with just a few lines of chat? We’re all human let’s not fool ourselves. I think I’m being subliminally pushed away, come to think of it.

I’m only good enough in small doses to some people I guess. That’s not good enough for me though, I’m not a toy to be played with at another’s whim. Maybe I’m just pulling this all out of my ass, who knows. I think I’m just doing some self-discovery by typing what’s on my mind, typing out every little suspicion I have.

I’ve been having to hide my instincts out of fear that they might anger some people. I usually end up eventually saying them because I like to say whats on my mind and be honest with people instead of just trying to hint at them. I’m tired of hinting bullshit, like a bunch of stupid teenagers trying to go out on a date and “accidentally” leaving notes or what not.

If people can’t be straight with me then how do they expect me to understand? That’s the thing though, they don’t want me to understand fully, just little censored amounts. I’m tired of that, if people can’t trust me then why the hell tell me anything at all? I am not going to be lead on forever. I will not put up with that forever.

I will survive the stupidity of others but when you care about people who are doing stupid things it’s hard to just blow them off without trying to help them. I’ve done it before though, and there’s no reason at all why I can’t do it again.

I can’t blame myself. It seems like no one is able to prove me wrong anymore – I seem to have improved my bullshit detecting skills to a level higher than ever achieved before. I will just flat out say what I think. I will not censor what I think. If it hurts their feelings then it’s not really my fault – I’m just trying to be honest and help people out. I can’t help people conquer their issues though, so if what I say does make someone upset it’s really up to them to deal with their own issues. I can lead a horse to water but I can’t make it drink.

Which brings me to another topic, I hate horses. In fact I hate most animals which are only still around because humans use them for personal pleasure, such as horses and dogs (wolves.) Most of which are almost extinct in the wild. What kind of existence is living to pleasure humans? I also don’t like dolphins but that’s more because of their intelligence and how humans like to admire it and what not but I don’t admire intelligence as I’ve stated many times before.

Look at sharks, they’re not even close to as smart as dolphins but they have no problem taking them out. Sharks react on instincts and at that they’re very keen. Intelligence doesn’t mean that much if your instincts aren’t so good. Good instincts means good prediction, which means making a plan that works is much easier. There’s plenty of stupid people with good instincts and they do pretty damn well in the world. Look at most pop stars. You’ve got to have good instincts to be able to work your way up the system and know where to be at the right time. Even if their methods involve dishonesty.

It seems these days that most animals are slowly becoming less prevalent as the human population increases, which probably means soon enough all animals that are around will just be around because they benefit us, like farm animals and animals we use for pleasure. The animals we keep around for our own use.

I don’t think evolution will like that very much for some reason. I think that a global population control should be put into effect as soon as possible similar to the one in china but maybe a tad less strict. I know china isn’t exactly the nicest country in the world. I hate babies. I find it funny that maddox recently wrote a thing talking about killing babies after they’re born, something I had been talking about as well. Some might say I try to write like him but in reality we just write similarly. It’s that simple.

I think I’m done for now. And remember, the world is made of cheese and onions.

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