Xero's other waste of space

May 20, 2004

social situations

Filed under: General — Xero @ 7:03 am

I think some people tend to act extremely different when in a social groups vs when it’s one on one. When dealing with a specific person in a social situation their personality drastically changed as they saw me associate with people other than themselves and in different ways.

My joking around was suddenly more offensive even though the same jokes would have not been offensive in one on one contact, I was not acting any differently than normal. It seems though, that some people cannot act normal in social situations with more than one person, and tend to get greatly offended.

I’m scolded for being cold and called names and other such things for my “behavior in public” basically. It seems as I offended their friend, or they feared I had, or they saw me acting the same way I treat them to other people, and suddenly got offended.

Maybe they wanted special treatment? Maybe they wanted to be the center of attention? I am not too hard to get along with and do so pretty easily with most people, even if I don’t particularly like them. As long as it’s short contact, I’m usually alright. I joke around, and no one usually has a problem with this. I may seem cold but you’d have to really not understand me to assume that I am blind to emotion.

It’s easy to assume from much of my writing and the kind of things I say, I tend to joke around with things, sometimes even in situations where it may be inappropriate, but I have to take a humorous stance to life, because there’s no reason to be grumpy over things.

That’s why despite being called names, attacked, called a bad person, being told I don’t live up to expectations, among other things, I’m not really that offended. I can’t dread over it, because I came into this whole thing expecting problems, and in fact left the friendship before, only to have them return, multiple times. Why? I had been told by another, and later them, that they got something out of our communications.

I think what they got was someone who challenged their beliefs and behaviors. I think that I truly did help them see certain things, even though they’d never admit it. I’m not trying to claim credit though, even if I didn’t help it doesn’t matter, because I don’t get an ego high out of it or anything. I’m made out to be some spoiled kid and what not and I can’t mention the numerous times I’ve been told that, usually by them. It’s always in defense and has no real merit, because it doesn’t really make me right or wrong even if I am some spoiled kid.

Of course it’s not about right and wrong, or so that’s what we blinded ourselves to think. I admit that in the past I had said it’s not about right or wrong when it in the end was. The true outcome was unknown at the time so my statement was premature to begin with but ended up being wrong. Can’t be right all the time.

I can admit to being wrong, as I’ve stated many times before. In fact I’ve done it a few times just today. I was told that I had made claims that they had problems which they didn’t, which made no sense, as I didn’t say they had any problem and just asked them to verify my statements. They claim it was kept impersonal but it was so obviously personal it wasn’t even funny.

I’m a fucking prick and a joke with too much god damn money. Right. In fact right now I have just about no money, and only material possessions. I don’t brag about it. I’m not going to feel guilty just because someone happens to be less fortunate than I am. In fact when it comes to technological possessions we both have pretty similar stuff, even if their stuff isn’t as good, or is better than mine, does this matter?

No, because the attacks were just that, attacks. They had no logic behind them and were just ways for them to push me away, reasons to hate me, rationalizations. If they want to hate me so be it. I still won’t know why but I really don’t care that much because I can’t care for someone who won’t care for me, who won’t trust me, who puts me down for no good reason and quickly dismisses or ignores my defenses with no good reason.

Surely it’s a difference in opinion but there’s obviously some flawed philosophy mixed into this. Maybe it’s both of us, maybe just one of us, I don’t know. What I do know is that I don’t feel as if I did anything wrong, and was not trying to offend anyone. I was just chatting in a chat in which they initiated, and I guess they felt I wasn’t behaving in a manner which they agreed.

From all the behavior I saw, I made the guess that they didn’t like it when they weren’t the center of attention. I was chatting away pretty well in there and wasn’t really conflicting with anyone. Then here they come and basically jump in out of no where and start attacking us. Later they justified this as just having their own opinion but it was very obvious they were quite angry, and through whole conversation until the end anger was very evident.

I don’t like diagnosing people, but I am yet again reminded of a hunch I’ve had for quite a long time. Histrionic personality disorder. This person, for as long as I known, loved being the center of attention, whether it be speaking gibberish or making fun of people, they had to be the center in group contexts.

A. Uncomfortable if not the center of attention. Covered this. Pretty sure, even though they denied it.

B. Inappropriate provocative or seductive behavior. They always have had a large following of men behind them, and were always much of a flirt. They described themselves as a player once. This one rang a bell.

C. Shallow and rapid changing emotion. Do I even have to explain this one? I’ve never met someone who could change emotion as quickly as them, any little thing could make them angry and switch emotions big time.

D. Uses appearance to draw attention? Not that I know of but they don’t seem to care about looks all that much – which is something I actually admired.

E. Speech that lacks in detail and excessively impressionistic. Definitely. During the whole argument they wouldn’t specify any details at all. They haven’t ever been much for details, all talk and no walk.

F. Theatrical, self dramatization, or out of proportion expression of emotion. YES! They always proceed to talk about how they’re very emotional, and constantly say how I lack emotion and what not. While I’m not the most emotional person in the planet, their emotions are always quite dramatized and especially past events, which get held as grudges more often than not. Their feelings about love also seem to be very exaggerated, though they dismiss my saying that, as I’ve apparently never experienced it. I honestly believe they just get obsessed with people and call it love when shit hits the fan. In the past I had even seen them become oddly obsessed with people they didn’t even know, and had trouble getting over it. They had basically been stalking them at one point.

G. Easily influenced, suggestible. Their numerous trust issues make this one very plausible, even though I may not have personally seen them as gullible, they described numerous occasions in which they had been taken advantage of. There’s also many drug issues they got influenced into as well, but I’m not sure if this counts.

H. Feels even a sociable relationship is intimate. This one is very similar to provocative or seductive manner. I can recall in the past how they talked about just how close they’d get to some people which at the time they considered friends. Of course their friends are always shifting around because it’s a constant game of betrayal and trust in their mind.

They also have some symptoms of some other personality disorders, mainly borderline, and paranoid. Borderline has symptoms of paranoia though, so who knows. Many psychological problems are tied together with others, and much is still unknown. Of course they made a comment that they don’t have any problems and it’s all my fault. This was contradictory to a previous statement made the day they came to me being quite upset that I had left, and admitted to having many problems that hadn’t been dealt with.

You could say that I’m trying to diagnose them to avoid having to say it’s my fault. That might be so, but I find it unlikely, because of the fact that this emerged during a social event, in which they hadn’t even been talking at the time, but as soon as they did, suddenly they had to make a scene. They attacked me and another person (who they don’t consider a friend but was for some reason invited to the chat) and basically disregarded us as assholes. This other person I’m not even friends with and we were debating something, so we weren’t even agreeing, but that didn’t matter. It was pretty innocent, and we had no real problem. My so called friend did though.

They proceeded to attack us both and made comments which were pretty offensive. They were provoking and not very logical. They later said something about how they don’t like to debate the way we were as if they had a better way, and that it was just some kind of ego/power trip thing, and built upon testosterone. Most of their comments were sexist, racist, and otherwise plain out stereotyping. They claimed they weren’t but it wasn’t the first time I had heard them rationalizing offensive comments. And they claim the previous events were just joking around, humor.

I guess when they use that as a defense it’s okay but when I use it it’s not. [EDIT: After further analysis I’ve noticed that almost every time they made offensive comments like the ones I mentioned above they were in group context.] Not that my defense isn’t true, though. I was being sarcastic and admit that I had been basically picking on people – but it wasn’t personal, nor bullying. Just plain old fucking around. Sarcasm. It was obvious too. Nothing more than I do in my journal numerous times per week.

And that had never been a problem with them, until this group context came into the picture. It seems their behavior changed greatly in a group context. And I just happened to be a victim of that. What am I do to? I was already prepared to lose a friend, so I don’t really have a problem at this point.

I didn’t appreciate them attacking my personal situation and other such things as a defense at all. I don’t know if they were in the right mind or not but they certainly weren’t acting themselves. They said they had done some drugs which they had been coming down from, they said they might get really angry or something. Maybe this was that? I don’t know though.

Even if it was I don’t think I can ever forgive them again at this point. Knowing me, I probably would though. Ah well, sometimes I’m just too nice to people. And that’s coming from a person as cold and heartless as me. Well, at least according to them.

Seriously though, I think I’ve had it. I do not want to be abused any longer and I’ve given them way too many chances. I can’t worry about it if they think it’s all my fault. They claim they help people through problems and what not but I suppose trying that out on me didn’t work so well. I didn’t ask for their help. I don’t think they’d be capable of helping me anyway. They should deal with their own shit first. I don’t see how lashing out and calling names is very helpful. I don’t really think they were trying to help me though, just push me away.

I think they should stop claiming they’re such a good person and acting as if they have the best motives when they’ve so many times done things which are quite objectionable, including this. Why would you even have to claim those kind of things if it were not true to begin with? I think part of it has to do with society expecting this innocent thing but on the other hand much of it is stuff they brought upon themselves.

I deal with my shit though, because I do care. I can’t say that about everyone though. Even if I haven’t changed in a way they preferred, it doesn’t mean I’m worse off. I don’t think their views of how people should be are very good.

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