Xero's other waste of space

May 24, 2004


Filed under: General — Xero @ 10:50 pm

Today was quite an adventure.

The problem:

Me and my mom’s cousin-in-law went to my old house to move some stuff over. We get here to find the fish tank now has a crack in it. He takes no responsibility at all for it even though I’m damn sure it wasn’t broken before. He even lied to me about it and said that he said it was already cracked before we moved it, which he didn’t. Part one.

I put all the stuff we brought away and brought the broken tank up to my room to monitor it for any substantial leaking. It wasn’t leaking that much but there was no way I could fill it with water. The piece of glass was being held in by friction alone. I fall asleep for a few hours and eventually my mom got here to take me to buy a new tank, which after a quick discussion over the price and size, we finally buy one. Part two.

We get home to set it up and everything is fine. Grandpa makes a stupid comment like “I don’t want a fish tank” and I say something to the extent of “what do you want me to do kill the fish? You can go kill some people if that’s your thing but I’m not going to.” He says something about how humans are better than fish and I say not to me. Finally he gives up, walks away, and I finish setting the tank up. Part three.

I’m walking downstairs with a box to put it in the garage and was just hanging out down there until my grandpa starts up with more of his abusive threats about how I should do what he wants me to do and be like him. I proceed to tell him that if he keeps pushing me I’m going to just end up doing the exact opposite and that he should lighten up some. He then proceeds to make more threats and walks off. My mom obviously disagreed with her fathers methods but did not stand up to him and help me out, instead she made some submissive comment about how she didn’t get a break after my father died as if I’ve been getting a free ride all this time. Part four.

My grandpa leads a very structured life and lives on his traditions and old fashion methods. I don’t. If he is going to keep doing this to me then it’s not going to be very long before things start to get pretty nasty around here. I won’t be pushed around, and I will make him see the flaws of his own actions whether he likes it or not. Part five.

The solution:

An eye for an eye is the solution I see in this situation. Since he disagrees with my methods so much I will have no choice but to push the thin borders containing his. I’ll question his high belief in family compassion and show that if he really cared he would listen to me some more instead of constantly saying how he’s going to change me. No time for irrationality. No time for emotions controlling decision making. No time for outdated methods. No time for putting money above peoples feelings.

I’m tired of hearing comments about “reality.” I know reality far better than all of these people, and it’s much different from some silly human desire to survive. This survival based world which we live in is not something I particularly like, but that doesn’t mean I have to suffer to be part of it. So just because I don’t have a job at the moment suddenly I have no clue what working every day is like? Suddenly I have no clue about the territory control system known as money. As if I’m just some little kid who doesn’t know a thing. And all this just because I don’t have a job. And there’s so many bottom of the line computer jobs I could easily get and not make much pay and not enjoy that much as I’d be using such a limited part of my knowledge to accomplish it. If I got one, what would that prove? Nothing, other than satisfying someone else’s illogical desire.

Achievement doesn’t do much for me, and I’ve said this before. Anyone can achieve things, I achieve things all the time, and even if it does make me happy for a while, it doesn’t mean shit. This world loves to praise achievements though, which I find useless, as something is always going to be happening, things will always be achieved, even if humans disappeared from the face of the earth things will still be achieved.

I’m also tired of people making work out to be the most terrible thing in the world. I don’t have have a job I don’t like. I don’t have to hate my job. It’s becoming more apparent to me that these people have lived their lives by traditions and never tried to enjoy much other than the false hopes that these traditions bring. Such as silly ideas of family compassion and the supposed happiness that brings. I don’t have to suffer to show that I can be experienced with this so called reality. You people make me sick.

Family structure. I’m tired of this whole family structure bullshit. I’m sure not everyones family is like mine but seriously I don’t give a rats ass about these people anymore then I do any other human. I don’t have time to waste fooling myself into thinking one specific gene line is better than another just because I happen to be part of it. Nor do I have to try and keep it going. I don’t have to care about anyone if I don’t want to, even if I did come from them.

In fact at this point I’m just tired of humans in general. They tend to be so irrational all of the time that it’s not even funny. If it weren’t for the blatant stupidity that most people display on a daily basis, maybe I wouldn’t hate this place so much. No one understands my perspective at all around here. They just think that because I stay in my room all the time and don’t go anywhere that I’m somehow socially inept, or inexperienced with the so called real world.

And while I may not have any experience down on paper, there’s not much I can’t do and I don’t see getting a job as much of a challenge. Their world is a delusion though. A world where they say they care but once it comes to money it’s a whole different story. A world where traditional methods are put above logical decision making. A world where stereotyping is easier than judging people on an individual basis. The typical flaws that most humans have and now I’m being told I should have them too.

Of course at the same time I’m smart to these people, because they don’t really know what I’m thinking, and it makes me seem mysterious. I’m tired of people putting my dad down just because he had a lots of debt. At least he knew how to enjoy life unlike most of these people, who only get happiness from false hope and suffer in the mean time. The only reason they put my dad down for the way he lived is because they know someone is going to have to pay some of those debts off, and again, it’s more selfish reasoning. My dad’s methods were not the best and he did have a compulsive spending problem but it’s a minor problem compared to some of the alternatives.

All and all it’s the same thing yet again. Fuck off and stop telling me what to do.

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