Xero's other waste of space

June 28, 2011

that guy just like me

Filed under: General — Xero @ 12:22 pm

So, I haven’t written in a while, but thought I’d make a status update as I’ve been going through a lot as of late.

For some reason, whenever I find a girl I actually like, I tend to for some reason end up making them not like me for some reason or the other. Why, I don’t know, maybe I make it too obvious or something. I never have any trouble before I meet someone (like if I’m just chatting online or what not) or if I’m not attracted to them, but if I am and I give any sort of hint towards it, I seem to drive them away to someone who’s just like me, at least in one particular area or the other. Yeah, what?

You can’t control who you’re attracted to and who you’re not, at the same time, I don’t really think I’m that picky. The people who seem to actually be attracted to me, who I’ve met through whatever means (typically online dating bullshit), always seem to be dishonest people, who misrepresent themselves, and then when I meet them I’m not attracted to them, because they basically lied about themselves, which in and of itself is a big turn-off, on top whatever physical feature they were trying to hide (usually, very overweight, with the personality to match).

Look, I’m not in the best shape, but I’m trying, and to be honest, I don’t really care about it that much as long as they are at least making an effort and aren’t like, way more overweight than I am, but I never seem to find these people who are of “equivalent weight status” as I am. It’s either way fat or normal, there’s no in-between it seems, at least not that I’ve found. I think it’s because most girls of that status tend to try and pass off as normal and then expect a guy who’s normal, even though that’s technically sort of asking for more than you are willing to give.

Anyway, back to the whole guy just like me thing, it’s almost like that Dane Cook (insert obligatory dane cook hatred here) movie “Good Luck Chuck” where, after going out with this dude and failing, the chick then meets the guy of her dreams or whatever. It’s like, girls meet me, they like enough about me to want someone just like me, plus or minus whatever trait it is that must have turned them off, of course I’ll never get an explanation of whatever that is though. Okay. what the fuck.

Maybe I’m just reading into this all too much, but I can’t help but feel like on top of the fact that, a. that person will never really be me, and b. the whole premise of what drove that person to them is borderline crazy, the shit is probably just doomed to fail anyway, but regardless the shit’s no good for my psyche either, how is that supposed to make me feel?

Of course, I never get any sort of explanation or reasoning behind it, you want the version of me that’s more of a hippy? or perhaps the slightly better-in-shape/vegan version, or maybe you want the one with more social skills? or the one who treats you like a dick, yeah that one’s popular. Who knows? After all, I’m not as different as I like to think, right? So clearly there must be just another person out there who’s similar enough minus whatever trait it is you don’t like about me today?

Ohh, I’m the victim again, boohoo, well, too bad, ya know, at this point I’m so fed up with this crap, why is it that the only people who ever are attracted to me are basically people who just don’t care about themselves, don’t have their shit together, are miserable, still have the same general interests as a 15 year old teenager, and/or are just fucking crazy. Who knows? I don’t claim to have all my shit together either, but I’ve at least got some goals in life.

Am I really that fucked up that the only people who can overlook my eccentricities are people who are twice as fucked as me? It’s starting to become quite frustrating at this point. I’ve actually started to wonder as of late if I’ve had like asperger syndrome or some crap this whole time and just didn’t realize it, because of how much trouble I have with these types of situations. They do say that people who have it often get misdiagnosed as ADD/ADHD which sounds so much like my childhood story, but really, that’d just be an excuse at best. Even if I did have it, how does that change anything? It won’t get me the things I want by finding a convenient excuse. I don’t really think I have anything that wrong, I just need to meet the right person. The question is, will that person reciprocate, or just ditch me for some other guy just like me?

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