Xero's other waste of space

July 2, 2011

what do I want

Filed under: General — Xero @ 11:12 am

With my new found insight into the world and all that bullshit, I’ve always been asked the question, so what do you want anyway? What are my expectations? What am I looking for?

It’s funny reading through some of my old posts here, I was at one point so perfectly content saying fuck humans, relationships and love and all that kind of bullshit. I was so content with certain things, although not with others. It’s clear that I misread my own feelings as well, basically trying to pass off anxiety as misanthropy, but I’ve said and done weirder things, so somehow this doesn’t surprise me. Plus, I was like still in my teens back then, so what the fuck did I know about anything? Even so, I feel like it’s so much time wasted, but as usual I’m taking my own weird ass path to get there. Seems like that’s pretty much like my life right there, no matter what I do, or perhaps I’m creating that reality by saying this, or all that kind of psychobabble bullshit. Anyway, who the fuck knows.

In either case, what was the question again? Oh, yeah, what do I want. I don’t really think that’s a hard question, to be honest, at this point I just want something mutual, on the same page, or what not. I don’t really have any particular requirements or expectations, I just need to get myself out there and have more experiences, for better or worse. It doesn’t really even matter to me at this point about the specifics, and to be honest, the specifics change over time anyway. It’s the broader character traits which end up mattering most, from my experiences anyway.

What else, hmm, alcohol is a weird drug. I still don’t really enjoy it that much compared to others, but I find it amusing how people are allowed to excuse so much on it. It’s like, you are allowed a mulligan on life if you were drunk. I still don’t really buy that for some reason. It’s not like I haven’t been drunk a whole bunch of times myself. I’m still sort of exploring it though. I’m also not good at reading people who are drunk, maybe if I am also drunk it will be easier, but who knows, I’m not that great at reading people to begin with, but that’s sort of why I’m trying to figure this crap all out I guess.

Oh yeah, and what’s with people still thinking I’m writing about them on here? I can’t believe this still happens…hasn’t anyone looked at my ” about” page to the right? This has happened like 50 times before and you’re always wrong…I’m writing about experiences and the person(s) involved in them, I’m often never writing about any particular person, and it’s generally about people who are not my friends or involved in my life anymore. And before anyone judges me over just one particular blog post, you could, you know, actually try reading more than that and see if you really understand what the purpose of this waste of space is. These are my inner thoughts. This may or may not be representative of my opinions and views on life at any particular point in time. Inner thoughts are subject to frequent change. There will be no refunds.

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